Most murder mysteries go the way of unleashing tension and a mounting sense of suspense and danger as the plot originating from the murder in itself reveals red herrings and a more sinister plot underneath just waiting to be discovered.

Clint Eastwood's thriller goes a completely different direction: while the identity of the killer is still at the center of the story and is revealed in almost surprising -- but plausible -- sequence, this is more a powerful character study of three childhood friends joined together by the very horror of a life extinguished. All three actors make their roles their own -- Sean Penn is quietly intense and devastated, Tim Robbins is the ultimate broken man through circumstances not of his control who still relives his own tragedy every day, and Kevin Bacon plays a stoic detective who also has some relationship issues of his own.

If there's one weakness in the movie it's the way the women are written. While Marcia Gay Harden fares better in her portrayal of a housewife who discovers what she believes to be a deadly secret involving her husband (Tim Robbins), Laura Linney, while being strong in her own role, is a little underwritten throughout and her sudden change at the end is a little inexplicable though chilling and recalls Lady MacBeth's speeches towards MacBeth.

我自幼时父亲就抛弃了妈妈，我和姐姐。妈妈就一个人承担起养家育子的重任，在身体极其不好的情况下把我们带大，然后我就不想这样写下去了。因为这样很象抄袭（艺术人生），故事虽属实，毕竟还是个节目，重在效果，难免有渲染之嫌。扔点催泪弹很容易让自己在他人眼里变成“好人一个”。眼泪是最会骗人的。。。就象我写的一样，我很不可怜。。也不需要被人同情。。。不想成为“午夜听众”里的女主人公一样不仅喜欢被同情，而且开始享受。。那是病态啊。。。

虽然从小就失去了父亲，甚至连他长什么膜样都不知晓，也不曾过多想过这个问题，也从未羡慕他人的美满家庭。也许特别的母爱弥补了父爱的空缺，可我始终相信一个人成长中有无父爱完全决定一个人的两种结果。。。

有关他的事从来都不是什么家庭禁忌话语，可没回忆怎会有思念和仇恨呢！很自然没有人提起有关话题。就这样我们就长大了。没有父亲地，很不可怜地长大了。不知为什么，大学毕业后就开始碰上了不少有关话题，心里虽有不爽却毕竟还是要面对。和以前小时候不一样。。我开始会有很多出于好奇的设想：如果有父亲会怎样，若哪天碰到了会怎样，会说什么，会不会象有些人说的那样会头晕！倘若真是如此可是特别的现象，我想说比较有研究价值。其实早就心里想象过他的摸样；比较黑，头发比较卷，不可能魁梧（看我即可）当然生出个我我想不会很难看。。哈哈。。

其实在拉萨这个城市的某个单位的某个陌生藏族男子是我的亲生父亲，我知道他的名字。。不知道他平时是怎么过的！我没有理由关心他，也许他也不需要。。只是心里想古人说的生身之恩分量到底有多大。。。IT KEEPS MY HEAD HUANTED！我没有与其碰面的冲动，也不曾有过先理后骂的想法。心想，同样的故事他会有怎样的版本，难道他也有电影里一样的苦衷。。NO WAY！HE IS A BAD FATHER！不过冥冥中我内心不能排除那一天，那恐怖的一刻（虽我不曾期待）。也许为了母亲，我宁愿让他成为我永远的迷，反正我始终认为我会晕倒。。何必呢！

希望我的思绪没有对母亲有半点不孝之意，毕竟其中的酸苦只有妈妈心里明白。到此，我没有一点衬托母亲伟大的意思，她不是圣女，不过她绝对是个好母亲，一个超爱子女的好妈妈。I CAN’T ASK FOR MORE！此刻心里是有点酸，却一点也不可怜！

   

    一次意外的车祸夺走了我最爱的奶奶的生命，不真实的我没能接受这个事实。很长一段时间让我沉浸在生命的不确定性，更是坚定了一直以来把宗教当作哲学引出的看法。不知道。。。很多问题涌进我的脑海，不断增添困扰，越来越迷茫，越来越无所谓。感觉都不过如此。

她走了，一个家族，一个“亚熙-平措康桑”就这样垮了 。。。带走了曾经的氛围，带走了曾经的礼仪，带走了曾经的尊严，也带走了曾经的生活。只留下一个个大大的房子和一群群平庸的人；一群奶奶才走了没有多久可以吵架的子孙，一个破碎得连葬礼上都不能聚全的子孙，一群社会上有头有脸的大人，忙得没能抽出时间来找张全家福。因为都不曾这样想过。 还不如在单位和领导照张像来的更实在，更具有现实意义。

她为什么要走。。为什么是她呢！太多的人需要她，而我是最需要她的人。我再也不能在她的院子里和她一起喝茶，吃点心，一边听我们最喜欢的印度歌。奶奶是我生活中少有的我不需要反驳的人，因为句句到来简单智慧。她突然走了，而我也突然清醒了。我在没有心里准备的情况下长大了。因为我再也没有心灵上的依赖。“莫拉”走了，给后人留下了房子，可我却在房子里寻找这家。

上学的时候，不管在学校发上什么不愉快的事，我都不怎么理会，反而常常有丝丝的愉悦，因为下课我我完全可以重复和莫拉的小小快乐。。大大的幸福。

“吉美（我）小的时候。。。。。”，开始莫拉对我小时候的回忆。“又来啦。。咕噜咕噜”。。。我有时比较烦的样子。我多么希望再听她说我小时候的事情啊。。对！那听起来比较可爱的，太听话的，怕爷爷的小胖子是我。我想任何一个时期我都可以算是好孩子。如果将来不小心结婚，然后接下来要生小孩，我还希望生一个我自己，一个小时候的我。

提起“咕噜。。咕噜”我真是有点不好意思在这里说。。听大人们说是常常表演这个，当时还引起了不少人的欢笑。不时我会把身子往前弯曲，头后仰，双手向后伸，并手心朝天。。。然后就是那震撼人心的声音。不知道我当时是什么意思。我想最可能就是模仿飞机或者老鹰。希望我当时表演完后有说“像不像啊。。”，不然我不就变成了问题小孩了吗。。。。

记得小时候和莫拉一起睡得时候，我感觉很害怕。这个我还得怪那些电影人为什么把巫师以老太婆的形象出现。晚上，我先钻进被窝，接下来是莫拉像童话故事里一样可怕。。。头发散乱在她那皱皱的脸上真的很吓小孩。当她把假牙从嘴里掏出来的时候，我就忍受着极端恐惧。接下来我就不看她的脸就抱着她暖暖的入睡。到了早上就不怕了。。。

奶奶抽烟了。。

记得一次从大学回家在莫拉的客厅里翻阅了她的一些老照片。天啊！一张照片里莫拉嘴里还掉了根烟。真是意外的酷像。当我抬头看莫拉的时候，她有点不好意思，一丝微笑的说“早戒掉了”。莫拉真是很可爱。一个末代贵族经历社会变迁，经历文化大革命，经历风风雨雨，什么大起大落没有经历过。抽了几年的烟就挺过来了。。。“莫拉你很可爱，很伟大。。。你是我们家族的骄傲，我心中的天使。”希望你在人间或者天堂休息的好。。。

上次我在某个网站上看到有人比较BEYOND主唱黄家驹和周杰伦。不知该怎么想。

我们的家驹早已超越了音乐的界限。。他是千年一遇的奇才，他是我心中永恒的天使。说来我们80后的真的很幸运，与家驹的歌一起成长，引领着我们走向不知的未来，走向正义，为他的理想（爱与和平）努力。他歌唱真理，歌唱生活，歌唱压抑的心，歌唱一切心底的呼叫。他是我们的榜样，更是音乐人的榜样。

如今他离开我们有很多年了。。。不过他的精神依旧存在与我们的心，他那颤动的歌声依然荡漾在我们脑海。在一个虚伪的年代也许说喜欢BEYOND显得有的落后，事实也是如此，要说喜欢JAY才算是跟上时代的人。我要说的是我们（尤其80后）有家驹，一个伟大的音乐人，没有理由犹豫，当问起最喜欢的歌手时要大声喊“家驹”因为我们知道他是永恒的，不会被时代的变迁而被淡忘。

我要继续着家驹的节奏，放声歌唱家驹的旋律，这样他就没有离开我们，还在和我们一起创作新的曲谱！

这一些 传颂着经典的歌
藏着了 太多太多寄望
你一生 为理想无惧争斗
感动我 一生每天去想你
每一天 在路上艰苦奔波
留下了 许多许多血汗
在这刻 迷途在远方他乡
感谢你 歌声里伴我跨过
朋友与你分隔天共地
缘分让我跟你相识过
朋友与我在这天空里
在这空间高歌歌唱热爱的歌
每首相依的心灰色轨迹真的爱你岁月无声
再见理想冷雨夜可知道喜欢你
登入了每天我们的天空里
唱出声音不再犹豫海阔天空 想你
这一些 传颂着经典的歌
藏着了 太多太多寄望
在这刻 迷途在远方他乡
感谢你 歌声里伴我跨过
朋友与你分隔天共地
缘分让我跟你相识过
朋友与我在这天空里
在这空间高歌歌唱热爱的歌
每首相依的心灰色轨迹真的爱你岁月无声
再见理想冷雨夜可知道喜欢你
登入了每天我们的天空里
唱出声音不再犹豫海阔天空 想你
情人遥望祝你愉快
无悔这一生 和平与爱大地 wo…
每首相依的心灰色轨迹真的爱你岁月无声
再见理想冷雨夜可知道喜欢你
登入了每天我们的天空里
唱出声音不再犹豫海阔天空 想你
每首相依的心灰色轨迹真的爱你岁月无声
再见理想冷雨夜可知道喜欢你
登入了每天我们的天空里
唱出声音不再犹豫海阔天空 wo… 真的想你 

 

        Take this kiss upon the brow!
          And, in parting from you now,
          Thus much let me avow-
          You are not wrong, who deem
          That my days have been a dream;
          Yet if hope has flown away
          In a night, or in a day,
          In a vision, or in none,
          Is it therefore the less gone?
          All that we see or seem
          Is but a dream within a dream.

          I stand amid the roar
          Of a surf-tormented shore,
          And I hold within my hand
          Grains of the golden sand-
          How few! yet how they creep
          Through my fingers to the deep,
          While I weep- while I weep!
          O God! can I not grasp
          Them with a tighter clasp?
          O God! can I not save
          One from the pitiless wave?
          Is all that we see or seem
          But a dream within a dream?

       (中文翻译在下方)

Every civilization in the history of mankind has had some form of music. 30,000 years ago in the Swabian Mountains of southern Germany, homo sapiens of the last ice age played 3-holed flutes made of the highest quality material of the time, the tusks from woolly mammoths. 9,000 years ago, in Jia Hu, Henan, musicians played 7-holed flutes made of bird bone. Confucius would accompany himself on a qin while singing verses from the “Shi Jing” 2,500 years ago. Roman Catholic monks sang Gregorian chant, Jews gave melodic readings of the Torah and Muslims sang verses of the Qur’an, all around 2,000 years ago. Music is not just rhythm, melody, harmony, or sound frequencies, it is a manifestation of humanity’s ingenious ability to express itself, its ever-mysterious soul. Like a mirror reflecting the character of every civilization, music is in constant mutation.

In my trip to Shangri-la, I realized that the local folk songs still reflected age-old rural lifestyle with authenticity. Some of these songs were closely tied in with agrarian life: barley farming, yak ranching, and the manual labor that comes with it, others dealt with religious stories of the Buddha, and of course, there were also the ever-popular romantic love songs.

The performances of these songs were genuine as well. With no microphones, amplifiers, or artificial lighting, I was finally experiencing this music in the environment in which it originated. It seemed to sound so different than the CD’s I had heard in Taiwan, due in large part to the fact that we were outdoors now, in rolling fields of barley and endless stretches of arid terrain specked with patches of wild Gesang flower. With no amplification, I could hear the human body functioning as a musical instrument in all of its natural resonances. The Tibetan songs suddenly sounded so natural, as if they had always been a part of the surroundings, like the sound of wind blowing across treetops or water babbling in a brook.

I was thoroughly amazed by the musicians who could sing while playing the two stringed xian zi and dance at the same time. The physically rigorous spinning and jumping that they performed would have been impressive even at sea level, but we were 3,000 meters above that. I also mustn’t forget to mention that everyone had also just downed three shots of barley wine, the local custom when meeting someone for the first time. What a laudatory display of balance and coordination!

After the folk songs were finished, I asked to hear some local mountain songs. Encompassing a range so high, at times I felt uncomfortable listening, these songs showcase interesting vocal techniques in which the voice is connected into a high upper register with no break into falsetto. The melodies are improvisationally embellished and the rhythm is free, creating a powerful sound capable of traveling great distances (useful for people living in the mountains). The men could sing in this style as well, also with a chest voice connected all the way through the highest register.

When we finally arrived in Lhasa, Tibet, Professor Ge Qu of the Lhasa Music Conservatory took us to a village called Ci Jiao Lin Xiang where we watched live performances of Lhamo, or traditional Tibetan Opera. These operas, dating back 1,400 years, have the longest history of all Chinese ethnic minority folk operas. And there we were, watching Lhamo performed live in front of our eyes just as Princess Wencheng of the Tang Dynasty might have seen it when she married the Tibetan king Songtsen Gambo. In this fantastic art form, there are elaborate costumes and masks, solo singers and choruses, improvisational rap-like verses which reminded me so much of hip-hop artist Nelly’s style of rapping (free-style mostly on “do” and “sol”), that I used an excerpt of Lhamo as the opening to my song “Zhu Lin Shen Chu”.

These are “living fossils”, exceptional because unlike most ancient music, they are still in practice today. Chinese ethnic minorities’ music has not only taught me a lot about Chinese history, but has also allowed me to hear it intact and preserved. Just as we learn from traveling or studying history books, keeping our ears open can provide an acoustic portrait of ancient civilizations. Like in Li Jiang, Yunnan, the Naxi ancient music from the Tang Dynasty is regarded as a truly original Chinese musical form. A combination of Daoist and Confucian musics (Bai Sha Xi Yue, Dong Jing Yin Yue, and Huang Jing Yin Yue), a full orchestra including the flute, suona, pipa, yang qin, erhu, bells, various gongs and large drums, performs this “Naxi Gu Yue” music regularly in the Naxi ancient city to this day.

While globalization has resulted in a more homogeneous artistic aesthetic, and has trained the average ear to understand certain musical motifs as being associated with specific emotions, we should also remind ourselves that these vernaculars are merely trends. Although they are valuable clichés to learn in order to communicate with today’s audiences en masse, very different sensibilities apply in other cultures, especially when we factor in the musics of past civilizations.

Aside from the cultural and historical value, I also learned an even more important lesson from the ethnic minorities’ music, and that is that music is a natural part of who we are, were, and always will be as human beings. It can be the “hunting song” or the “working song” that I heard Tibetan construction workers sing together as they built small concrete houses by hand. They’re not thinking about pitch accuracy and tone production, or technique at all for that matter…it’s just a part of their daily life, making their jobs a little easier.

T.S. Eliot wrote in his poem Little Gidding, one of the Four Quartets,

We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.

My journey to the West, including Dali, Lijiang, Kunming, Xishuang Banna, Shangri-la, Tibet, and Xin Jiang opened my ears to the colorful palate of ancient Chinese music, and infused my Chinked-out style of music with a new sound.

But this, like all journeys should be, was also a journey of the self, and I ultimately learned some intangible qualities of the human soul. A musical thread connects us, consistently from civilization to civilization. And that thread runs through you just as it does me. What patterns, and colors it will weave as the course of history plays out is only limited by our imagination and ability to dream. 

                                                                   翻译 徐旻莉 / 徐稳贵
人类历史中的每一个文明都曾有着某种形式的音乐，三万年前，冰河时代末期，德国南方斯瓦本（Swabian）山脉的人类，他们吹奏的三孔笛是用当时最好的材质 -- 长毛象的长牙做成的。九千年前，在河南省的贾湖，音乐家吹奏的七孔笛是用鸟的骨头做的。两千五百年前，孔子吟唱诗经以琴相伴；两千年前左右，罗马天主教修道士以单音颂唱格里高里赞美诗（Gregorian Chant）；犹太人用有旋律的调子颂读犹太人的圣经Torah；回教徒也已经在吟唱着可兰经的经文。音乐不只是节奏、旋律、和声或某种声音的频率而已，它是人类用来表达自己奥袐心灵的一种独特方式，音乐它持续在进展、永远在蜕变，就像一面镜子反映着每一个文明的特质。

这次香格里拉之行，我了解到当地的民歌仍然真实地反映着当地古老的乡土生活。这些民歌与种植青稞、放牧牦牛、用劳力干着粗活的农耕生活紧密地连结在一起。除了这些民歌之外，他们也有描述藏传佛教和佛陀故事的歌曲和诗文，当然，还有那些广受欢迎的浪漫情歌。

这些歌曲演唱的方式非常独特，没有麦克风、没有扩音器、没有人造的灯光，我终于在这个音乐的发源地体验到由这个环境孕育出来的音乐。这和我以前在台湾听过这类音乐的CD是多么的不同，主要的原因是因为我们当时在户外 -- 在绵延的青稞田和散布着野生格桑花的无边干燥草原上。没有扩音器的现场，我可以听见人的身体如乐器般运作所产生的自然共鸣。这些西藏歌曲听起来是这样的自然，如同风吹过树梢的声音、或是溪流淙淙的水声，好像它们原本就是这周遭环境的一部分。

有些歌手们不仅边唱边跳，还同时演奏着两弦的“弦子”（译注：藏族乐器，又叫哑胡）这种消耗体力的旋转与跳跃。若是在平地上演出就足以令人印象深刻，何况我们是在海拔三千公尺以上的高原！我还必须提及，他们才刚喝了三杯青稞酒 -- 这是当地的习俗，对初次见面的客人以敬上三杯青稞酒为礼遇。他们这样一边唱、一边跳、一边弹奏，却能同时保持身体的平衡与协调，这是多么令人赞赏啊！

听完了民歌，我要求听一些当地的山歌。山歌的音域相当的高，听起来有的时候让我觉得不是很舒服，这些歌曲展现的是不用假声即让声音直接进入高音域的发声技巧。即兴的旋律、自由的节拍，这种充满力量的声音可以传达得非常远（对住在山上的人来说很有用）。男人也能应用这种技巧，他们用胸腔的声音直接运气到头腔的高音域引吭高歌。　

当我们最后到达西藏拉萨，拉萨音乐学院的格曲教授带领我们到拉萨市次角林乡的村落，在那里我们观赏了藏戏（Lhamo传统的西藏歌剧）的现场演出。这些歌剧源于一千四百多年前，是中国少数民族歌剧中历史最悠久的。就这样，藏戏在我们眼前历历呈现，我想唐朝文成公主在嫁给西藏王（当时的吐蕃王）松赞干布时很可能也看过这出戏吧！在这个令人赞叹的艺术形式中，有许多精致的戏服与面具、独唱与合唱，以及非常即兴、像饶舌歌一般的词句，像极了hip-hop歌手Nelly的饶舌风格（不拘形式，多半用“do”和“sol”），于是我节录了一小段藏戏音乐作为我“竹林深处”这首歌的前奏。

有别于其他失传的古代音乐，这些音乐可以说是活化石，因为它们至今仍然流传着。中国少数民族音乐不仅教导我许多中国的历史，也让我得以聆听到保存完整的曲子。如同我们透过旅行或阅读史书来了解古代文明，竖起耳朵同样地也能给我们古代文明听觉上的写真。就像云南丽江的纳西古乐，其历史可上溯至唐朝并被认为是中国音乐最初原始的形式。它融入了道教法事音乐和儒教典礼音乐（包含白沙细乐、洞经音乐与皇经音乐），乐团的编制包括了笛子、唢呐、琵琶、扬琴、二胡、钟、各式的锣和大鼓等乐器，直到今天纳西古乐仍在纳西古城中日复一日地演奏着。

当全球化让大家的审美观趋于一致，一般人的耳朵已经被训练成听到某种音乐的调子和节拍，即会把某种情绪和这类音乐联想在一起，我们应该提醒自己，每一种通俗的音乐语言，只不过是当时的一种潮流；当然，为了和现今的听众们沟通，这些通俗的音乐语言固然有值得学习的价值，但是不同文化有不同的口味，尤其是当我们考虑到以往文明中不同的音乐形态。

撇开文化和历史的价值，从少数民族音乐我学习到一个更重要的课题，那就是音乐是我们的过去、现在和未来最自然的一部份。它可以是我听见西藏的建筑工人用手在搭建小水泥房屋时一起唱的“打猎歌”或“打工歌”。他们从来不会顾虑有没有走音、调子对不对、技巧好不好的问题，对他们来说，音乐就是日常生活的一部份，也许能让他们粗重的工作变得稍微轻松一点。

诗人艾略特在他的诗集“四首四重奏”的“小吉丁”中写道：

我们不应停止探索
而我们一切探索的终点
将会回到我们原来的起点
这时才首次真正认识它

我在中国西部的旅程，包括大理、丽江、昆明、西双版纳、香格里拉、西藏和新疆，让我对多彩多姿的中国古乐大开耳界，给我Chinked-out的音乐风格注入一股新的声音。

但是，这旅程就像所有的旅程一样，也是我自我认知的旅程，我最终学习到了一些人类心灵的无形特质。一条音乐的线将我们连结在一起，从一个文明串连到另一个文明。这一条线穿越你，也穿越我。随着历史过程的发展，这条音乐之线究竟会编织出甚么样的图案和颜色，就端看你我有多少想像力和编织梦想的能力了。