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September 17 love jack blackIris: It doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. and how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new. and you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little peices of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade.    September 14 郁闷!两年了...不知道我在干什么....不知道在向什么方向走去...安慰着..颓废着..败家着! 没有安全感, 没有安定感! 感觉好像一直准备着离开...去哪里呢! 去没有人认识我的地方. 看似为寻找自己想要的生活..不过会吗? 其实就是想要离开的感觉....我也认了, 那是逃避!
一个搞工程的朋友说 "咳..你家房子过两年可是值一千万啊!" 那是很多钱..非常的多...他的意思是我什么都不用愁. 咳。我愁的很，愁死了！财富是自己要创造的。而不是消耗祖宗留下来的！不管是物质的还是精神的。实际上我快要被这个社会活活压死. 吃不好, 也睡不好. 这个是我现在的状态. 工作两年来近三千的工资倒是没有停止过, 满足着我不算奢侈的物质需求. 虽然和我的不少朋友比起那3000是小狗见大狗, 不过我问良心, 他说 "太多了! 你什么都没干, 拿个3,4百差不多”。真是如此！我很不好意思拿工资！多你一个不多，少你一个不少的感觉真TM郁闷！
 I AM A MESS！ |
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